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The Spiritual Side of Sex and Marriage
by Chris Cumming

Everything in the entire world comes back to the family, marriage and sex between a man and a woman.  Satan knows this and therefore does all he can to sabotage and defile each of these elements.

This is a paper from my heart.  It is all I know about these subjects from my life, experience, education and the Word of God.  Each cell below will be a thought, element or truth regarding these subjects.

I am writing this about firstfruit relationships.  Both the man and the woman are called of God and possess the Holy Spirit.  Both live by the Word of God and are immersed in it.  There is spiritual maturity.  This paper is about spiritual maturity in marriage and in the romantic relationship leading up to that marriage.


Everything Begins with the Creator
God invented man and woman.  He created the family, marriage and sex.  He created all these things to teach us something about Him and His plan for eternity.  The concepts of man, woman, family, marriage and sex are all what I call, “living metaphors.”  A metaphor is:

1. a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance, as in “A mighty fortress is our God.”

2. something used, or regarded as being used, to represent something else; emblem; symbol.

Even in the definition we see an example of a Godly metaphor.  God is a mighty fortress.


Metaphor, Reality --  Reality, Metaphor
If God created all these elements to learn more about the reality of God and His plan, then the more we know and understand about the metaphor, the more we know about the reality.  Conversely the more we gain in knowledge about the reality, the more we understand and appreciate the living metaphor.

Sex is an act that takes place between a married man and woman.  With it, they bond.  They become one flesh.  The man represents Christ and the woman the church.  As the man desires the woman, so Christ desires His bride, the church.  The Salvation Process is the means by which the bride makes herself ready for the marriage.  At this marriage, Christ and the church will become one.  Physical sex is extremely personal and close.  It is special.  So will be this spiritual bonding in the marriage of Christ and the church.  It is imperative that nothing interfere with any of the living metaphors—the man, the woman, the marriage or the sex.



The Marriage Bed is Not Defiled
Notice Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Let us look at the commentary to see why marriage is honorable and what it mean when we say the marriage bed is undefiled—I will mark key items in red:

Heb 13:4  Marriage is honourable in all,.... Some read these words as an exhortation, "let" it "be so"; others as an assertion, it is so. "Marriage" is the union of one man and one woman in wedlock, whereby they become one flesh; it is a joining together of male and female in this relation, and of two only, and of such as are not within the degrees of blood forbid by the law, Leviticus 18:6 and of such as are fit for marriage: and this is "honourable", as it was instituted by God, and has been honoured with the presence of Christ, Genesis 2:22. And it is so in the ends of it, being to procreate children, multiply the earth, build up families, preserve a legitimate offspring, and prevent fornication and all uncleanness; and it is so, when the duties of the relation are performed on both sides: and it is honourable "in all"; in all things, in all respects, upon all accounts; "every way", as the Arabic version renders it; or as the Ethiopic version, "everywhere"; it has been honourably esteemed of among all nations; it becomes persons of all ranks and degrees, quality, and order; and it is honourable in all that are lawfully married, and do not violate the marriage contract, or defile the marriage bed: hereby are condemned such who despise marriage, that they may give a loose to their wandering and insatiable lusts; and such who, under a pretence of greater sanctity and perfection, reject it as unlawful; and the Papists, who deny it to men employed in sacred work:

and the bed undefiled: the Arabic version reads, "his bed"; and the Syriac and Ethiopic versions, "their bed"; the bed of such whose marriage is honourable; which is not polluted by admitting others into it, or by acts of fornication and adultery: "but", or "for", as the Alexandrian copy reads,

whoremongers and adulterers God will judge; the former of these may be rendered "fornicators", as it is by the Vulgate Latin version: fornication is a sin committed by single persons, unmarried ones; and though it was reckoned among the Gentiles a thing indifferent, yet is contrary to the law of God, and is a work of the flesh, and makes unfit for the kingdom of God, and brings down the judgments of God both here and hereafter. And this is in opposition to marriage, which is appointed to prevent it. The sin "adulterers" are guilty of, is a sin committed by persons, who are either one or both in a married state, and so is directly a pollution of the marriage bed: this was punishable with death by the law of God, and light of nature; and though men may make light of it, God will judge and punish such as commit it, both in this life, with diseases, poverty, and disgrace, and in the world to come, at the great day of account; for however secretly it may be committed, God, who is omniscient, sees it, and will bring it into judgment; nor shall any be able to escape the righteous judgment of God, for he is omnipotent, as well as omniscient. The Jews say,

"whoever lies with another man's wife, shall not escape דינה, "the judgment", or damnation of hell''



What Defiles the Marriage Bed?
The marriage bed is defiled by more than acts of fornication by one or both partners who share that bed.  It is also defiled by any subject of fornication in the form of thought, a word, an experience or a memory that acts to defile what takes place in that honorable bed.

Nothing can defile the place where either Christ or the readied bride resides.  We see this in the third part of the commentary above.  Fornication in all its forms are in opposition to marriage.  They can destroy a physical marriage.

Where this defiling can most readily manifest itself is in language.  There is an endless amount of language [words and phrases] that are designed by Satan to defile all the living metaphors and the marriage bed of the firstfruit’s marriage.  Defiled words and phrases give rise to defiled thoughts and “photos of the mind” and these interfere and/or destroy the marriage or romantic relationship.

Any study of sex will reveal any number of terms that we might call neutral and used both in the firstfruit bedroom and in the preverbal gutter.  Endearments between the married lovers using a neutral word or phrase must be considered and held by both as undefiled.  This is generally not a problem with couples who had a long and close relationship over time and circumstance that has resulted in the marriage.  By this time, their language has also become one.

However, in the early stages of a romantic relationship, when the man and the woman have not had reasonable time together, one’s language might unduly offend the other.  Still it would be disturbing to this author to hear that one partner made the assumption that the endearment was uttered as an offense.


Examples of a Negative Endearments
I went to the Internet and consulted some blogs where this seems to be a very hot topic.  The discussions revolve around certain terms used in the bedroom by one or the other mate.  These words may or may not be evil and wrong in and of themselves but clearly an issue if the mate finds them offensive.  Examples would be the F-word, whore, slut and any other words you may have knowledge of that you feel would be offensive.

What is the origin of the word?  Is the word taken from Christian-based principles or does it originate in the porn industry? 

Just as important as the words themselves is the attitude and purpose of the one using them.  Is the word being used to condemn or belittle the other?  On the other hand, is it just sexual banter used by both in mutual love and respect.

In addition, are any of these words specifically or in concept negative in the Word of God?

Having sex is supposed to honor and glorify God.  Would you use these words if God the Father and/or Christ were in the bedroom …which they are.


Example of a Neutral Endearment

Before I give you the example, I want you to turn to Isaiah 5:20.

Isaiah 5:20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

Some endearments used in the bedroom originate specifically or in principle in the Word of God.  Satan in his desire to destroy everything God has ordained as actually taken God’s words and phrases and made them negative or dirty.  Satan is the originator of the porn industry and pornographic literature and movies.  He has made sure that all things good and wholesome…even spiritual are made to be called evil as Isaiah 5:20 points out.

There was a couple in the churches who were newly married and therefore had not fully bonded in all those things a husband and wife do and experience in the bedroom.  They were in the marriage bed and about to engage in sex when the husband lovingly made reference to how moved he was when his wife spread her legs.  Well, the wife found that specific phrase entirely pejorative [disparaging, belittling] and actually went into a tirade.  Needless to say, sex did not take place that night.

The term is neutral and I have seen it used both in marriage and in the illicit sexual stories—“That slut would spread her legs for anyone.”  Just because this dirty, wrongful story is using the neutral phrase, “spread her legs” does not make the phrase, itself, inherently dirty.

Indeed, as we are going to see, the act of the woman spreading her legs prior to sex carries great spiritual meaning in the living metaphor we call marriage.



Everything about Sex was Created by God.
God is a perfect God.  All His ways are perfect [2 Samuel 22:31, 33; Matthew 5:48].  He invented and created man, woman and the physical sex act.  He created this most special act so that it would reflect certain, specific things about Christ, the church and the relationship they have together.

In a firstfruit romance and/or marriage, the woman desires the man and the man the woman.  Notice this from Song of Solomon.

I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me. -Song 7:10.  See this expressed in the New Testament with Christ:

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. -Ephesians 5:25, 28, 31-32 

I want to talk about this relationship now and how it relates to sex and how sex defines the relationship between the man and woman and between Christ and the church.

In the Word of God do we ever see Christ forcing Himself upon the church, His bride or any individual?  Notice a key verse:

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. -Revelation 3:20

Notice what Jesus is saying here.  The best He can do is knock or make known His love and desire.  The door must be opened by the bride.  Then He will come in and they will be together.  Notice the commentary:

And open the door - This must be his own act, receiving power for this purpose from his offended Lord, who will not break open the door; he will make no forcible entry. -Adam Clark

Notice this expressed in the Song of Solomon, chapter 5 and the first part of verse 2:

I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove...Song 5:2a

Before the throne of God, no firstfruit man can make love to a woman until she spreads her legs.  This simple gesture speaks volumes.  The man can express desire, proclaim his love and invoke the art of seduction, but until the woman “opens to him” there is no righteous way for him to proceed.  For sex to take place, the woman must desire the man.  She must open her heart and her mind and her soul to him.  She shows this by the spreading of her legs.  It is among the greatest of gestures, the greatest of actions and the greatest communication a woman can express to a man.  It expresses absolute trust, absolute love and absolute surrender to the one she loves.  God invented this and yet He still finds it most wondrous.

There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid.
-Proverbs 30:18-19.  Ironically, this wonderment God has regarding the man with the maiden in this verse involves both the righteous maiden and the fornicators, clearly demonstrating the fine line between righteousness and fornication.  It goes along with Christ marveling at two things:  1] Man showing great faith. And 2] Man showing no faith; being a fool.

Whether a man consciously knows it or not, no higher honor and respect can be paid to him than having the woman he loves open to him.

I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me. –
Song 7:10


Nudity in Marriage
Notice first the references to nudity in the Bible between married lovers:

A bundle of myrrh is my wellbeloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts.  -Song 1:13

Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies. -Song 4:5

Notice the commentary...

Feed among the lilies - It may be the nipples especially, which the poet compares to the two young roes; and the lilies may refer to the whiteness of the breasts themselves. Adam Clarke

I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour. -Song 8:10

Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. -Proverbs 5:19.  Now the commentary…

Let her breasts satisfy thee - As the infant is satisfied with the breasts of its mother; so shouldst thou be with the wife of thy youth. Adam Clarke

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. -Eph. 5:29

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.  -1 Cor 7:3

The body of the man belongs to the woman and the body of the woman belongs to the man.   Each lover’s body is that person’s gift to the other.  Regardless of the physical state of the man or woman, each is satisfied, in the process of becoming one flesh and having ever-deepening love, and readily give themselves to the other.  Therefore, if the man gives his nudity to the woman, it is not some male, macho manifestation but his giving to the woman everything.  His body belongs to her.  In turn, the man will do anything to and for the woman in love, devotion and the expression of love.

As Proverbs 5:19 says, I am to be satisfied with my lover’s nudity and ravished always with her love.


Ideal Process
Without doubt or argument, the ideal process of two lovers coming together, coming into love for each other and ultimately marrying and becoming one flesh forever is one unfolding over time.

A firstfruit couple is brought together by God and they first bond at the heart and soul level.  The design is to have all things develop together---the emotional, the mental, the physical and the spiritual.  Each element supports and feeds the other.  All elements must be in play.

In this process, they will define the marriage bed and everything that is done and said in the bedroom.  Both must take steps to insure that nothing is done that would bring dishonor to that bed.

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