The Spiritual Side of Sex and Marriage
by Chris Cumming
Everything in the entire world comes back to the family,
marriage and sex between a man and a woman. Satan knows
this and therefore does all he can to sabotage and defile
each of these elements.
This is a paper from my heart. It is all I know about these
subjects from my life, experience, education and the Word of
God. Each cell below will be a thought, element or truth
regarding these subjects.
I am writing this about firstfruit relationships. Both the
man and the woman are called of God and possess the Holy
Spirit. Both live by the Word of God and are immersed in
it. There is spiritual maturity. This paper is about
spiritual maturity in marriage and in the romantic
relationship leading up to that marriage.
Everything Begins with the Creator
God invented man and woman. He created the family,
marriage and sex. He created all these things to
teach us something about Him and His plan for
eternity. The concepts of man, woman, family,
marriage and sex are all what I call, “living
metaphors.” A metaphor is:
1. a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is
applied to something to which it is not literally
applicable in order to suggest a resemblance, as in
“A mighty fortress is our God.”
2. something used, or regarded as being used, to
represent something else; emblem; symbol.
Even in the definition we see an example of a Godly
metaphor. God is a mighty fortress.
Metaphor, Reality -- Reality, Metaphor
If God created all these elements to learn more
about the reality of God and His plan, then the more
we know and understand about the metaphor, the more
we know about the reality. Conversely the more we
gain in knowledge about the reality, the more we
understand and appreciate the living metaphor.
Sex is an act that takes place between a married man
and woman. With it, they bond. They become one
flesh. The man represents Christ and the woman the
church. As the man desires the woman, so Christ
desires His bride, the church. The Salvation
Process is the means by which the bride makes
herself ready for the marriage. At this marriage,
Christ and the church will become one. Physical sex
is extremely personal and close. It is special. So
will be this spiritual bonding in the marriage of
Christ and the church. It is imperative that
nothing interfere with any of the living
metaphors—the man, the woman, the marriage or the
The Marriage Bed is Not Defiled
Notice Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all,
and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and
adulterers God will judge.
Let us look at the commentary to see why marriage is
honorable and what it mean when we say the marriage
bed is undefiled—I will mark key items in red:
Heb 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all,....
Some read these words as an exhortation, "let" it
"be so"; others as an assertion, it is so.
"Marriage" is the union of one man and one woman in
wedlock, whereby they become one flesh; it is a
joining together of male and female in this
relation, and of two only, and of such as are not
within the degrees of blood forbid by the law,
Leviticus 18:6 and of such as are fit for marriage:
and this is "honourable", as it was instituted by
God, and has been honoured with the presence of
Christ, Genesis 2:22. And it is so in the ends of
it, being to procreate children, multiply the earth,
build up families, preserve a legitimate offspring,
and prevent fornication and all uncleanness; and it
is so, when the duties of the relation are performed
on both sides: and it is honourable "in all"; in all
things, in all respects, upon all accounts; "every
way", as the Arabic version renders it; or as the
Ethiopic version, "everywhere"; it has been
honourably esteemed of among all nations; it becomes
persons of all ranks and degrees, quality, and
order; and it is
honourable in all that are lawfully married, and do
not violate the marriage contract, or defile the
marriage bed: hereby are condemned such
who despise marriage, that they may give a loose to
their wandering and insatiable lusts; and such who,
under a pretence of greater sanctity and perfection,
reject it as unlawful; and the Papists, who deny it
to men employed in sacred work:
and the bed undefiled:
the Arabic version reads, "his bed"; and the Syriac
and Ethiopic versions, "their bed"; the bed of such
whose marriage is honourable;
which is not polluted by
admitting others into it, or by acts of fornication
and adultery: "but", or "for", as the
Alexandrian copy reads,
whoremongers and adulterers God will judge;
the former of these may be rendered "fornicators",
as it is by the Vulgate Latin version: fornication
is a sin committed by single persons, unmarried
ones; and though it was reckoned among the Gentiles
a thing indifferent, yet is contrary to the law of
God, and is a work of the flesh, and makes unfit for
the kingdom of God, and brings down the judgments of
God both here and hereafter.
And this is in opposition
to marriage, which is appointed to
prevent it. The sin "adulterers" are guilty of, is a
sin committed by persons, who are either one or both
in a married state, and so is directly a pollution
of the marriage bed: this was punishable with death
by the law of God, and light of nature; and though
men may make light of it, God will judge and punish
such as commit it, both in this life, with diseases,
poverty, and disgrace, and in the world to come, at
the great day of account; for however secretly it
may be committed, God, who is omniscient, sees it,
and will bring it into judgment; nor shall any be
able to escape the righteous judgment of God, for he
is omnipotent, as well as omniscient. The Jews say,
"whoever lies with another man's wife, shall not
escape דינה, "the judgment", or damnation of hell''
What Defiles the Marriage Bed?
The marriage bed is defiled by more than acts of
fornication by one or both partners who share that
bed. It is also defiled by any subject of
fornication in the form of thought, a word, an
experience or a memory that acts to defile what
takes place in that honorable bed.
Nothing can defile the place where either Christ or
the readied bride resides. We see this in the third
part of the commentary above. Fornication in all
its forms are in opposition to marriage. They can
destroy a physical marriage.
Where this defiling can most readily manifest itself
is in language. There is an endless amount of
language [words and
phrases] that are designed by Satan to
defile all the living metaphors and the marriage bed
of the firstfruit’s marriage. Defiled words and
phrases give rise to defiled thoughts and “photos of
the mind” and these interfere and/or destroy the
marriage or romantic relationship.
Any study of sex will reveal any number of terms
that we might call neutral and used both in the
firstfruit bedroom and in the preverbal gutter.
Endearments between the married lovers using a
neutral word or phrase must be considered and held
by both as undefiled. This is generally not a
problem with couples who had a long and close
relationship over time and circumstance that has
resulted in the marriage. By this time, their
language has also become one.
However, in the early stages of a romantic
relationship, when the man and the woman have not
had reasonable time together, one’s language might
unduly offend the other. Still it would be
disturbing to this author to hear that one partner
made the assumption that the endearment was uttered
as an offense.
Examples of a Negative Endearments
I went to the Internet and consulted some blogs
where this seems to be a very hot topic. The
discussions revolve around certain terms used in the
bedroom by one or the other mate. These words may
or may not be evil and wrong in and of themselves
but clearly an issue if the mate finds them
offensive. Examples would be the F-word, whore,
slut and any other words you may have knowledge of
that you feel would be offensive.
What is the origin of the word? Is the word taken
from Christian-based principles or does it originate
in the porn industry?
Just as important as the words themselves is the
attitude and purpose of the one using them. Is the
word being used to condemn or belittle the other?
On the other hand, is it just sexual banter used by
both in mutual love and respect.
In addition, are any of these words specifically or
in concept negative in the Word of God?
Having sex is supposed to honor and glorify God.
Would you use these words if God the Father and/or
Christ were in the bedroom …which they are.
Example of a Neutral Endearment
Before I give you the example, I want you to turn to
Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil;
that put darkness for light, and light for darkness;
that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
Some endearments used in the bedroom originate
specifically or in principle in the Word of God.
Satan in his desire to destroy everything God has
ordained as actually taken God’s words and phrases
and made them negative or dirty. Satan is the
originator of the porn industry and pornographic
literature and movies. He has made sure that all
things good and wholesome…even spiritual are made to
be called evil as Isaiah 5:20 points out.
There was a couple in the churches who were newly
married and therefore had not fully bonded in all
those things a husband and wife do and experience in
the bedroom. They were in the marriage bed and
about to engage in sex when the husband lovingly
made reference to how moved he was when his wife
spread her legs. Well, the wife found that specific
phrase entirely pejorative [disparaging,
belittling] and actually went into a
tirade. Needless to say, sex did not take place
The term is neutral and I have seen it used both in
marriage and in the illicit sexual stories—“That
slut would spread her legs for anyone.” Just
because this dirty, wrongful story is using the
neutral phrase, “spread her legs” does not make the
phrase, itself, inherently dirty.
Indeed, as we are going to see, the act of the woman
spreading her legs prior to sex carries great
spiritual meaning in the living metaphor we call
Everything about Sex was Created by God.
God is a perfect God. All His ways are perfect [2
Samuel 22:31, 33; Matthew 5:48]. He invented
and created man, woman and the physical sex act. He
created this most special act so that it would
reflect certain, specific things about Christ, the
church and the relationship they have together.
In a firstfruit romance and/or marriage, the woman
desires the man and the man the woman. Notice this
from Song of Solomon.
I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me.
-Song 7:10. See this expressed in the New Testament
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved
the church, and gave himself for it. So ought men
to love their wives as their own bodies. He that
loveth his wife loveth himself. For this cause
shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall
be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one
flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak
concerning Christ and the church. -Ephesians 5:25,
I want to talk about this relationship now and how
it relates to sex and how sex defines the
relationship between the man and woman and between
Christ and the church.
In the Word of God do we ever see Christ forcing
Himself upon the church, His bride or any
individual? Notice a key verse:
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man
hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to
him, and will sup with him, and he with me. -Revelation
Notice what Jesus is saying here. The best He can
do is knock or make known His love and desire. The
door must be opened by the bride. Then He will come
in and they will be together. Notice the
And open the door
- This must be his own act, receiving power for this
purpose from his offended Lord, who will not break
open the door; he will make no forcible entry.
Notice this expressed in the Song of Solomon,
chapter 5 and the first part of verse 2:
I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my
beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my
sister, my love, my dove...Song
Before the throne
of God, no firstfruit man can make love to a woman
until she spreads her legs. This simple gesture
speaks volumes. The man can express desire,
proclaim his love and invoke the art of seduction,
but until the woman “opens to him” there is no
righteous way for him to proceed. For sex to take
place, the woman must desire the man. She must open
her heart and her mind and her soul to him. She
shows this by the spreading of her legs. It is
among the greatest of gestures, the greatest of
actions and the greatest communication a woman can
express to a man. It expresses absolute trust,
absolute love and absolute surrender to the one she
loves. God invented this and yet He still finds it
There be three things which are too wonderful for
me, yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle
in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the
way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way
of a man with a maid.
Ironically, this wonderment God has regarding the
man with the maiden in this verse involves both the
righteous maiden and the fornicators, clearly
demonstrating the fine line between righteousness
and fornication. It goes along with Christ
marveling at two things: 1] Man showing great
faith. And 2] Man showing no faith; being a fool.
Whether a man consciously knows it or not, no higher
honor and respect can be paid to him than having the
woman he loves open to him.
I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me. –
Nudity in Marriage
Notice first the references to nudity in the Bible
between married lovers:
A bundle of myrrh is my wellbeloved unto me; he
shall lie all night betwixt my breasts. -Song
Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are
twins, which feed among the lilies. -Song
Notice the commentary...
Feed among the lilies - It may be the nipples
especially, which the poet compares to the two young
roes; and the lilies may refer to the whiteness of
the breasts themselves. –Adam
I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I
in his eyes as one that found favour. -Song
Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let
her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou
ravished always with her love. -Proverbs
5:19. Now the commentary…
Let her breasts
satisfy thee - As the infant is satisfied
with the breasts of its mother; so shouldst thou be
with the wife of thy youth. –Adam
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but
nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the
church. -Eph. 5:29
Let the husband render unto the wife due
benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the
husband. -1 Cor 7:3
The body of the man belongs to the woman and the
body of the woman belongs to the man. Each lover’s
body is that person’s gift to the other. Regardless
of the physical state of the man or woman, each is
satisfied, in the process of becoming one flesh and
having ever-deepening love, and readily give
themselves to the other. Therefore, if the man
gives his nudity to the woman, it is not some male,
macho manifestation but his giving to the woman
everything. His body belongs to her. In turn, the
man will do anything to and for the woman in love,
devotion and the expression of love.
As Proverbs 5:19 says, I am to be satisfied with my
lover’s nudity and ravished always with her love.
Without doubt or argument, the ideal process of two
lovers coming together, coming into love for each
other and ultimately marrying and becoming one flesh
forever is one unfolding over time.
A firstfruit couple is brought together by God and
they first bond at the heart and soul level. The
design is to have all things develop together---the
emotional, the mental, the physical and the
spiritual. Each element supports and feeds the
other. All elements must be in play.
In this process, they will define the marriage bed
and everything that is done and said in the
bedroom. Both must take steps to insure that
nothing is done that would bring dishonor to that
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