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Sermon: The Forgotten Fruit...a
call to Gentleness
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by Chris Cumming
A member recently sent me a story with the title, “The Story of Four
Horse.” As the story goes, a man asked an American Indian the name of
his wife. He replied. “She is called Four Horse”. The man said,
“That’s an unusual name for your wife. What does it mean?” The Old
Indian answered, “It old Indian name. It mean Nag, Nag, Nag, Nag!”
The story prompted me to my Bible and Proverbs 27:14-15 which reads,
“He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the
morning, it shall be counted a curse to him. A continual dropping in a
very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.” Notice
immediately that women are not being singled out here. The admonitions
are for both men and women. Most all biblical admonitions are directed
to all of mankind. Referring back to the Story of Four Horse, clearly a
man can be a nag too.
This sermon is not about men or women, but rather a study in
Contentiousness verses Gentleness. The latter is a Godly principle and
fruit of the Holy Spirit. Contentiousness is the opposite of Gentleness
and the two cannot reside in the same heart. Continued contentiousness
can smother the Holy Spirit. It must be overcome.
My sermon today is a call to Gentleness.
As I look back into the history of the church, both with the individual
and the church collectively I see all those instances of strive and
contention the church has had to suffer. I also know their source. For
the most part the contention and strife is coming from unconverted
individuals who have either fallen away or never had the Holy Spirit in
the first place. As stated, contention and bitterness cannot coexist
with the Holy Spirit.
As you and I head toward the Great Tribulation and the end of this age,
we are going to witness increased levels of contention, strife and
bitterness. All the more reason for there to be a call to Gentleness.
Just before Christ returns the firstfruits remaining faithful to the end
will be known for their invoking this often overlooked and sometimes
forgotten fruit of the Spirit.
Let us begin our study into Gentleness.
Word Meanings
I wish to take a look at some word meanings. Doing so will demonstrate
the vast differences in the two concepts.
Contentious: …taken from multiple sources
1] Given to contention; quarrelsome. Argumentative or belligerent.
2] Given to arguing. Combative and aggressive.
3] Inclined to act in a hostile way.
4] Eristic: One given to or expert in dispute or argument.
5] Polemic: a person engaged in or inclined to controversy, argument or
refutation.
6] Thesaurus: bicker, clash, debate, disagreement, dispute,
quarrel, spat, squabble, tiff, wrangle.
Gentle: …taken from multiple sources
1] Considerate or kindly in disposition; amiable and tender.
2] Not harsh or severe; mild and soft: a gentle scolding; a gentle
tapping at the window.
3] Not steep or sudden; gradual.
4] To make less severe or intense.
5] Thesaurus: mild, soft, softhearted, tender, tenderhearted,
delicate and kind.
Contentiousness is darkness and gentleness is light. They exist apart.
They counter each other. As stated they cannot exist in the same
heart. Contentiousness is to destruction and gentleness to salvation.
Firstfruits must develop and maintain gentleness in their attitude,
behavior and manner. Notice the biblical admonitions:
2 Timothy 2:24 And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be
gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient.
For the phrase, “but be gentle unto all men” the John Gill commentary
states:
“not only to troubled minds, and wounded consciences, by supplying
them with the precious promises and truths of the Gospel; and to
backsliders, by restoring them in a spirit of meekness; but even to
those who contradict the truth, and themselves, by mild and kind
instructions.”
We are to treat our enemies with gentleness. How much more our
friendships, romantic relationships and marriages? How much more our
relationship with the brethren? These must all grow on a foundation of
gentleness. Notice Titus:
Titus 3:2 To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle shewing
all meekness unto all men.
Again from the John Gill on “to be no brawlers, but gentle”:
“to be no brawlers; or "fighters", either by blows or words; not
litigious and quarrelsome, wrangling and striving about things to no
profit, and to the detriment and disturbance of civil government,
churches, neighborhood, and families; which is very unbecoming the
followers of Jesus, who strove not, nor cried, nor was his voice heard
in the streets. But gentle, showing all meekness to all men; yielding
and giving way, rather choosing to suffer wrong than to brawl, contend,
and litigate a point; taking the advice of Christ in Matthew 5:39,
carrying it in a meek and humble manner to men of all ranks and degrees,
whether superior or inferior, rich or poor, bond or free, Jews or
Gentiles, members of the church, or men of the world.”
Gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) and therefore a
principle of God. All Godly principles have universal application.
That is, they apply to individuals, to marriages, to families, to
private and public organizations of every kind. We must invoke
gentleness at every opportunity and not live any aspect of our life in
contentiousness. Notice a couple of scriptures and their meanings:
Proverbs 26:21 As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a
contentious man to kindle strife.
For, “as coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire”:
“As brands, wood half burnt, or dead coals put to live and burning
ones, soon take fire and become like them, and fit and proper fuel for
them, and add to their heat.”
If one remains with a contentious person, he or she will become
contentious. We, if possible, must avoid these types of people. If we
are in a situation where getting away is currently not feasible or
practical, then one has to take steps to defuse each contentious
situation and not allow the negativity to affect one's mind or
character. Pray always for means of emotional, mental and spiritual
escape from the harm.
For, “so is a contentious man to kindle strife”:
“or ‘a man of contentions’; who is given to it, is full of it; it is
agreeable to his natural temper and disposition; he is in his element
when at it; such a man is as fuel to the fire, as a dead coal to a
living one, which increases the heat of it; so does he, he kindles and
spreads the flame of contention and strife.”
A man who is contentious is in his element. He is full of contention.
This is how he operates. Contentiousness spreads strife and
contention. Ultimately few, if any, relationships can long survive
this.
Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a
contentious and an angry woman.
For, “than with a contentious and angry woman”:
“that is always brawling and scolding, ever in a quarrelsome and
angry disposition, and provoking to anger all about her”
A contentious person is always brawling and scolding and is ever
quarrelsome and angry. I had one such lady inform me that this is the
way she states her case to her man. This is how she attempts to point
out what she sees as offensive in him and to change it. The lady in
question claimed to be a forthright, honest and tender person and if her
man would just yield to her argument [her contentiousness], he
would know only marital bliss. As we can see from the above
scriptures, her way brings about only strife. It destroys the
relationship. It kills marriages and all romantic relationships. It
also destroys the firstfruit in his or her own Salvation Process. It
quenches the Holy Spirit that makes salvation possible. Notice…
Proverbs 13:10 Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well
advised is wisdom.
For, “but with the well advised is wisdom”:
“such who are humble and modest will seek counsel of God; …and ask
advice of those who are superior to them in knowledge and understanding;
and so will neither raise contentions themselves, nor join with those
that make them, but do all they can to lay them; these show that true
wisdom is with them.”
Whenever the Bible calls for us to leave off contention, it is a call
for gentleness. Notice…
Proverbs 17:14 The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water:
therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.
Proverbs 18:6 A fool’s lips enter into contention, and his mouth calleth
for strokes [contention often leads to blows].
Proverbs 22:10 Cast out the scorner, and contention shall go out; yea,
strife and reproach shall cease.
The victim of contentiousness is often forced to cast out the scorner or
to flee from them. We saw this clearly demonstrated in the early
church. Notice…
Paul also and Barnabas continued in Antioch, teaching and preaching the
word of the Lord, with many others also. And some days after Paul said
unto Barnabas, Let us go again and visit our brethren in every city
where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do. And
Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark. But
Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from
Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work. And the contention was
so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the
other: and so Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus; And Paul chose
Silas, and departed, being recommended by the brethren unto the grace of
God. -Acts 15:35-40
Paul and Barnabas had to part and there is no record of them ever being
together again. I see this with relationships in the church today.
Contentiousness destroyed peace. Gentleness did not have her way.
Chief friends were separated.
What of the Woman of Proverbs 27:15?
Who was this woman? What was her problem? Could the victim of her
contentiousness change her? Does any human have the power to change
this woman? Notice the next verse:
Proverbs 27:16 Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of
his hand, which bewrayeth itself.
Notice the commentary:
For, “Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind”
“Whoever attempts to stop her brawls and contentions, to repress and
restrain them, and hinder her voice being heard in the streets, and
endeavours to hide the shame that comes upon herself and family,
attempts a thing as impossible as to hide the wind in the palm of a
man's hand, or to stop it from blowing; for as that, by being restrained
or pent up by any methods that can be used, makes the greater noise, so,
by all the means that are used to still a contentious woman, she is but
the more noisy and clamorous, and becomes more shameful and infamous.”
For, “and the ointment of his right hand which bewrayeth [exposes]
itself”
“Or ‘will call’ or ‘calls’ (h), and says, in effect, Here am I; for the
smell of it, which cannot be hid when held in a man's hand, betrays it;
and the faster he holds it, and the more he presses and squeezes it, and
the more it is heated hereby, the more it diffuses its savour, and is
known to be where it is; and so all attempts to stop the mouth of a
brawling woman does but cause her to brawl the louder.”
The scripture makes it clear that, in this case, the man cannot change
the behavior of the woman. It is impossible. He might as well attempt
to hide the wind in the palm of his hand. All his attempts to stop the
brawling will cause the contention to grow louder. He often has to flee
the scene to find peace.
The contentious firstfruit stands alone in the Salvation Process and
must work to overcome this behavior. Contentiousness must be overcome
or displaced by bringing in gentleness. Even contemporary books dealing
with negative behaviors understand that the individual is responsible
for his situation. In one such book on marital relations, I read, “Our
spouses must be first and foremost responsible for themselves. We allow
ourselves to be trapped in the idea that we must be responsible for what
our spouses do and what might happen to them. The truth is that we can
never be responsible for another adult, nor should we try to be. Our
spouses must own their problems. They must bear the consequences of
their own choices. They must suffer the pain of their own illnesses.
This is not our burden to bear” This is confirmed in verse 16.
Notice more from the Word of God:
Philippians 2:12b…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
Romans 13:11-14 And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to
awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we
believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore
cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light.
Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not
in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. But put ye on
the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil
the lusts thereof.
A Call To Gentleness
Here are just a few scriptures admonishing us to invoke the principle of
gentleness:
Matthew 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and
lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Ephesians 4:2 With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering,
forbearing one another in love.
Philippians 4:5 Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is
at hand.
Colossians 3:12-13 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and
beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness,
longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any
man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do
ye.
1 Thessalonians 2:7 But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse
cherisheth her children.
James 1:19-20 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to
hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the
righteousness of God.
James 3:17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then
peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good
fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
1 Peter 3:8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of
another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.
There is no place for contentiousness in any of these scriptures. These
scriptures are to be embraced and invoked by the firstfruit. There is
no place in the life of a firstfruit to be contentious. Bring in the
gentleness and the contention will depart.
How Do I Invoke Gentleness?
In our study of having no appearance of evil [1 Thess. 5:22], we learn
that if we are walking down the path of righteousness and see an evil
off to our right or left at a distance of some one-hundred yards, we are
never to take even one step toward it. We are to shrink back from it.
The further we are from darkness the more we are in the light. The more
we shrink back from contentiousness, the easier it is to replace it with
gentleness. Let us consider some practical examples. Each of these is
assumed to be from common, everyday life encounters among friends,
spouses and romantic couples.
Situation One: A friend shares with you his or her opinion or
personal belief about something and you, inwardly, disagree. Rather
than attacking their opinion or belief directly, simply acknowledge it
and offer to share yours. Keep the conversation soft. Attempt to see
the situation through their eyes. Make gentle inquiry as to the basis
of their belief. Calmly explain the basis of your beliefs. Reason
together.
Situation Two: Avoid contentious buzz words. Let reason and logic
prevail rather than your language, intonation and/or auditory level [yelling].
Avoid the phrases, “that is incorrect” or “you are wrong.” Be judicious
in your use of the word, “No.” Rather, gently offer a different
viewpoint or premise. Say something like, “here is my take on that
subject.” Do not attempt to destroy his beliefs. Let him destroy his
own erroneous beliefs using the truth you bring forth in your calmly
presented position.
Situation Three: Someone says something to you that you take
sharply as most offensive. Rather than flying off the handle with great
indignation and boisterousness [unrestrained roughness],
reference that phrase from the definition of “gentleness” above and
apply “gentle scolding.” Calmly sit the person down and make inquiries
as to what they meant by that statement. Remember that the English
language is not the most effective in communicating feelings and
emotions. An utterance in one context could be taken as an abomination
while in another a loving complement or endearment. I have personally
seen misunderstandings of language utterly destroy what would have been
otherwise an enduring and blissful relationship. Do not allow
contentiousness to destroy a friendship.
Now here is a list of elements in our nature where we might consider
invoking gentleness:
1. Not sharing
2. Yelling
3. Not listening or always talking or interrupting
4. Whining
5. Being bossy
6. Being a sore loser
7. Getting mad easily
8. Wanting things your way all the time.
9. Always having to be right, arguing
10. Getting others in trouble
11. Messing up things, not taking care of things that belong to others.
12. Always wanting something from someone, but not willing to give.
Let me end this sermon with some quotes on gentleness. I will give a
noticeable pause between each one.
“Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the
strong”
“Gentleness is the antidote for cruelty.”
“Vanquish an angry man by gentleness.”
“Gentleness corrects whatever is offensive in our manner.”
“Gentleness succeeds better than violence.”
Now some longer quotes:
----"It's true that we live in a harsh world, but it's also true that
gentleness invades that harshness with its own kind of beauty. We see
it in the way a mother cradles a newborn baby, in the eyes of a father
roughhousing with a preschooler, in the silence of a setting sun, in the
affectionate caress of a lifetime lover and friend, in the peace that
settles during an anxious prayer, and in a thousand ways more.
Yes, gentleness is invading our world today. The only question is
whether or not you've joined the revolution."
----What keeps faith cheerful is the extreme persistence of gentleness
and humor.
----Gentleness is everywhere in daily life, a sign that faith rules
through ordinary things: through cooking and small talk, through
storytelling, making love, fishing, tending animals and sweet corn and
flowers, through sports, music, and books, raising kids—all the places
where the gravy soaks in and grace shines through. Even in a time of
elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the
campfires of gentle people.
Lacking any other purpose in life, it would be good enough to live for
their sake. -Garrison Keillor-host of the Minnesota Public Radio show A
Prairie Home Companion -
----In our rough and rugged individualism, we think of gentleness as
weakness, being soft and virtually spineless. Not so! Gentleness
includes such enviable qualities as having strength under control, being
calm and peaceful when surrounded by a heated atmosphere, emitting a
soothing effect on those who may be angry or otherwise beside
themselves, and possessing tact and gracious courtesy that causes others
to retain their self-esteem and dignity. Instead of losing, the gentle
gain. Instead of being ripped off and taken advantage of, they come out
ahead!
----Practice being gentle, respectful and loving toward the life force
in all things. Remind yourself that your efforts do make a difference,
even if you think they are miniscule in comparison to the magnitude of
the problem.
----You need to be prepared for firm decisions and action, without
losing gentleness towards those who obstruct or abuse you. It's as
great a weakness to be angry with them as it is to abandon your plan of
action and give up through fear.
----I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize. The first
is gentleness; the second is frugality; the third is humility, which
keeps me from putting myself before others. Be gentle and you can be
bold; be frugal and you can be a cheerful giver; avoid putting yourself
before others and you can become a leader among people.
----The way to overcome the angry person is with gentleness, the evil
person with goodness, the miser with generosity and the liar with truth.
----Gentleness is a way of life, showing our love in how we interact
with people and things. Like any way of life, gentleness has to be
practiced for us to become more gentle. If we want to become more
gentle, we must take active steps, that is
(1) choosing to be more gentle,
(2) keeping this resolution in mind,
(3) acting in gentleness, and
(4) catching ourselves when we are not gentle so that we can be more
aware of our gentleness or lack of gentleness in the future.
Now one final scripture…Turn over to Psalms 18
Psalms 18:35 Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and
thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.
Let gentleness make you great!!
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