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 Survey of the Letters of Paul:  1 Timothy 3:4  
                                                                                                                                                                                         

 

 
 
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1 Timothy 3:4
One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
 
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Note:
before doing a study on any single verse, read all the verses from the beginning of the chapter to this point and maybe a verse or two beyond. Do this so you have the verse in context before you begin.
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Let us begin this lesson by doing some more reading from the Barclay Commentary at the point we left in our study of verse three.

But, as the early Church saw it, the responsibility of the office-bearer did not begin and end in the church. He had two other spheres of responsibility, and if he failed in them he was bound also to fail in the church.

(1) His first sphere of duty was his own home. If a man did not know how to rule his own household, how could he engage upon the task of ruling the congregation of the church (1 Timothy 3:5)? A man who had not succeeded in making a Christian home could hardly be expected to succeed in making a Christian congregation. A man who had not instructed his own family could hardly be the right man to instruct the family of the church.

Quoted verse:
1 Timothy 3:5
(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)

(2) The second sphere of responsibility was the world. He must be ‘well thought of by outsiders’ (1 Timothy 3:7). He must be a man who has gained the respect of others in the day-to-day business of life. Nothing has hurt the Church more than the sight of people who are active in it but whose business and social life contradicts the faith which they claim and the principles which they teach. The Christian office-bearer must first of all be a good person.

Quoted verse:
1 Timothy 3:7
Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

THE CHARACTER OF THE CHRISTIAN LEADER
1 Timothy 3:1–7

We have just seen that the Christian leader must be someone who has won the respect of all. In this passage, there is a great series of words and phrases describing the character of the Christian leader; and it will be worth while to look at each in turn. Before we do that, it will be interesting to set beside them two famous descriptions by great Greek thinkers of the good leader’s character. Diogenes Laertius (7:116–26) hands down to us the Stoic description. He must be married; he must be without pride; he must be abstemious (ăb-stē'mē-əs), [eating and drinking in moderation]; and he must combine prudence of mind with excellence of outward behaviour. A writer called Onosander gives us the other. He must be prudent, self-controlled, sober, frugal, hard-working, intelligent, without love of money, neither young nor old, if possible the father of a family, able to speak competently, and of good reputation. It is interesting to see how these descriptions and the Christian descriptions coincide.

The Christian leader must be a man against whom no criticism can be made (anepile¯ptos). Anepile¯ptos is used of a position which is not open to attack, of a life which is not open to censure, of an art or technique which is so perfect that no fault can be found with it, of an agreement which cannot be broken. The Christian leader must not only be free from such faults as can be attacked by definite charges; he must be of such fine character as to be even beyond criticism. The Douai–Rheims version of the New Testament produced in 1582 translates this Greek word by the very unusual English word irreprehensible, unable to be found fault with. The Greeks themselves defined the word as meaning ‘affording nothing of which an adversary can take hold’. Here is the ideal of perfection. We will not be able fully to achieve it; but the fact remains that the Christian leader must seek to offer to the world a life of such purity that he leaves no loophole even for criticism of himself.

The Christian leader must have been married only once. The Greek literally means that he must be ‘the husband of one wife’. Some take this to mean that the Christian leader must be a married man – and it is possible that the phrase could mean that. It is certainly true that a married man can be a recipient of confidences and a bringer of help in a way that a single man cannot be, and that he can bring a special understanding and sympathy to many situations. A few scholars take it to mean that the Christian leader cannot marry a second time, even after his wife’s death. In support, they quote Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 7. But, in its context here, we can be quite certain that the phrase means that the Christian leader must be a loyal husband, preserving marriage in all its purity. In later days, the Apostolic Canons laid it down: ‘He who is involved in two marriages, after his baptism, or he who has taken a concubine, cannot be an episkopos, a bishop.’

We may well ask why it should be necessary to lay down what seems obvious – but we must understand the state of the world in which this was written. It has been said, and with much truth, that the only totally new virtue which Christianity brought into this world was chastity. In many ways, the ancient world was in a state of moral chaos. That was true even of the Jewish world. Astonishing as it may seem, certain Jews still practiced polygamy. In the Dialogue with Trypho, in which Justin Martyr discusses Christianity with a Jew, it is said that ‘it is possible for a Jew even now to have four or five wives’ (Dialogue with Trypho, 134). The Jewish historian Josephus can write: ‘By ancestral custom a man can live with more than one wife’ (Antiquities of the Jews, 17:1:2).

Quite apart from these unusual cases, divorce was tragically easy in the Jewish world. The Jews had the highest ideals of marriage. They said that a man must surrender his life rather than commit murder, idolatry or adultery. They had the belief that marriages are made in heaven. In the story of the marriage of Isaac and Rebecca, it is said: ‘The thing comes from the Lord’ (Genesis 24:50). This was taken to mean that the marriage was arranged by God. So it is said in Proverbs 19:14: ‘A prudent wife is from the Lord.’ In the story of Tobit, the angel says to Tobit: ‘Do not be afraid, for she was set apart for you before the world was made’ (Tobit 6:17). The Rabbis said: ‘God sits in heaven arranging marriages.’ ‘Forty days before the child is formed, a heavenly voice proclaims its mate.’

Quoted verses:
Genesis 24:50
Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the LORD: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.

Proverbs 19:14
House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.

For all that, the Jewish law allowed divorce. Marriage was indeed the ideal; but divorce was permitted. Marriage was ‘inviolable (ĭn-vī'ə-lə-bəl)  but not indissoluble’ (ĭn'dĭ-sŏl'yə-bəl). The Jews held that once the marriage ideal had been shattered by cruelty or infidelity or incompatibility, it was far better to allow a divorce and to permit the two to make a fresh start. The great tragedy was that the wife had no rights whatsoever. The Jewish historian Josephus says: ‘With us it is lawful for a husband to dissolve a marriage, but a wife, if she departs from her husband, cannot marry another, unless her former husband put her away’ (Antiquities of the Jews, 15:8:7). In a case of divorce by consent, in the time of the New Testament, all that was required was two witnesses and no court case at all. A husband could send his wife away for any reason; at the most, a wife could petition the court to urge her husband to write her a bill of divorce, but it could not force him even to do that.

Faced with that situation, things reached a point where ‘women refused to contract marriages, and men grew grey and celibate’. A brake was put upon this process by legislation introduced by Simon ben Shetah. A Jewish wife always brought her husband a dowry which was called Kethubah. Simon decreed that a man had unrestricted use of the Kethubah, as long as he remained married to his wife, but on divorce he was absolutely liable to repay it, even if he had ‘to sell his hair’ to do so. This slowed down the rate of divorce; but the Jewish system was always impaired by the fact that a wife had no rights.

In the Gentile world, things were infinitely worse. There, too, according to Roman law, a wife had no rights. Cato, the Roman statesman, said: ‘If you were to take your wife in adultery, you could kill her with impunity, without any court judgment; but if you were involved in adultery, she would not dare to lift a finger against you, for it is unlawful.’ Things grew so bad, and marriage became so unattractive, that in 131 BC a well-known Roman called Metellus Macedonicus made a statement which the Emperor Augustus was afterwards to quote: ‘If we could do without wives, we would be rid of that nuisance. But since nature has decreed that we can neither live comfortably with them, nor live at all without them, we must look rather to our permanent interests than to passing pleasure.’

Even the Roman poets saw the dreadfulness of the situation. ‘Ages rich in sin’, wrote Horace, ‘were the first to taint marriage and family life. From this source the evil has overflowed.’ ‘Sooner will the seas be dried up,’ said Propertius, ‘and the stars be reft from heaven, than our women reformed.’ Ovid wrote his famous, or infamous, book The Art of Love, and never from beginning to end mentions married love. He wrote cynically: ‘These women alone are pure who are unsolicited, and a man who is angry at his wife’s love affair is nothing but a rustic boor.’ Seneca declared: ‘Anyone whose affairs have not become notorious, and who does not pay a married woman a yearly fee, is despised by women as a mere lover of girls; in fact husbands are got as a mere decoy for lovers.’ ‘Only the ugly’, he said, ‘are loyal.’ ‘A woman who is content to have only two followers is a paragon of virtue.’ Tacitus commended the supposedly barbarian German tribes for ‘not laughing at evil, and not making seduction the spirit of the age’. When a marriage took place, the home to which the couple were going was decorated with green bay leaves. Juvenal said that there were those who entered on divorce before the bays of welcome had faded. In 19 BC, a man named Quintus Lucretius Vespillo erected a tablet to his wife which said: ‘Seldom do marriages last until death undivorced, but ours continued happily for forty-one years.’ The happy marriage was the astonishing exception.

Ovid and Pliny each had three wives; Caesar and Antony had four; Sulla and Pompey had five; Herod had nine; Cicero’s daughter Tullia had three husbands. The Emperor Nero was the third husband of Poppaea and the fifth husband of Statilla Messalina.

It was not for nothing that the Pastorals laid it down that a Christian leader must be the husband of one wife. In a world where even the highest positions and places in society were awash with immorality, the Christian Church had to demonstrate the chastity, the stability and the sanctity of the Christian home. ~Barclay Commentary

Now to the commentaries...

One that ruleth well his own house - This implies that a minister of the gospel would be, and ought to be, a married man. It is everywhere in the New Testament supposed that he would be a man who could be an example in all the relations of life. The position which he occupies in the church has a strong resemblance to the relation which a father sustains to his household; and a qualification to govern a family well, would be an evidence of a qualification to preside properly in the church. It is probable that, in the early Christian church, ministers were not infrequently taken from those of mature life, and who were, at the time, at the head of families; and, of course, such would be men who had had an opportunity of showing that they had this qualification for the office. Though, however, this cannot be insisted on now as a “previous” qualification for the office, yet it is still true that, if he has a family, it is a necessary qualification, and that a man in the ministry “should be” one who governs his own house well. A want of this will always be a hindrance to extensive usefulness.

Having his children in subjection with all gravity - This does not mean that his “children” should evince (show or manifest) gravity, whatever may be true on that point; but it refers “to the father.” He should be a grave or serious man in his family; a man free from levity of character, and from frivolity and fickleness, in his conversation with his children. It does not mean that he should be severe, stern, morose (gloomy) - which are traits that are often mistaken for gravity, and which are as inconsistent with the proper spirit of a father as frivolity of manner - but that he should be a serious and sober-minded man. He should maintain proper “dignity” (semnotēs); he should maintain self-respect, and his deportment should be such as to inspire others with respect for him. ~Barnes Notes

Let us look at the Adam Clarke commentary

The fourteenth qualification of a Christian bishop is, that he ruleth well his own house; one who properly presides over and governs his own family. One who has the command, of his own house, not by sternness, severity, and tyranny, but with all gravity; governing his household by rule, every one knowing his own place, and each doing his own work, and each work having the proper time assigned for its beginning and end. This is a maxim of common sense; no family can be prosperous that is not under subjection, and no person can govern a family but the head of it, the husband, who is, both by nature and the appointment of God, the head or governor of his own house. See the note on Ephesians 5:22. ~Adam Clarke

Quoted verse:
Ephesians 5:22
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
 
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands - As the Lord, viz. Christ, is the head or governor of the Church, and the head of the man, so is the man the head or governor of the woman. This is God’s ordinance, and should not be transgressed. The husband should not be a tyrant, and the wife should not be the governor. Old Francis Quarles, in his homely rhymes, alluding to the superstitious notion, that the crowing of a hen bodes ill luck to the family, has said: -

“Ill thrives the hapless family that shows
A cock that’s silent, and a hen that crows:
I know not which live most unnatural lives,
Obeying husbands or commanding wives.”

As unto the Lord - The word Church seems to be necessarily understood here; that is: Act under the authority of your husbands, as the Church acts under the authority of Christ. As the Church submits to the Lord, so let wives submit to their husbands. ~Adam Clarke

Now the John Gill:

One that ruleth well his own house - His family, wife, children, and servants; and is not to be understood of his body, and of keeping of that under, and of preserving it chaste and temperate, as appears from what follows:

having his children in subjection with all gravity - keeping a good decorum in his family; obliging his children to observe his orders, and especially the rules of God's word; and not as Eli, who did not use his authority, or lay his commands upon his sons, nor restrain them from evil, or severely reprove them for their sins, but neglected them, and was too mild and gentle with them; but like Abraham, who not only taught, but commanded his children and his household, to keep the way of the Lord; Genesis 18:19 and so should those act who are in such an office as is here treated of; and should not only rule well in their families, preside over them, go before them, and set an example to them, and keep their children in obedience and subjection; but this should be "with all gravity": not only in the master of the family, but in the children; who as their father is, or should be, should be brought up in, and used to gravity in words and in dress; and in the whole of their deportment and conversation. This may he observed against the Papists, who forbid marriage to the ministers of the Gospel. ~John Gill

Quoted verse
Genesis 18:19
For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.

Now to the Treasury of Scriptural Knowledge.

One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection

1 Timothy 3:12
Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.

Genesis 18:19
For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.

Joshua 24:15
And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

Psalm 101:2-8
2 I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way. O when wilt thou come unto me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.
3 I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.
4 A froward heart shall depart from me: I will not know a wicked person.
5 Whoso privily slandereth his neighbour, him will I cut off: him that hath an high look and a proud heart will not I suffer.
6 Mine eyes shall be upon the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with me: he that walketh in a perfect way, he shall serve me.
7 He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight.
8 I will early destroy all the wicked of the land; that I may cut off all wicked doers from the city of the LORD.

Acts 10:2
A devout man, and one that feared God with all his house, which gave much alms to the people, and prayed to God alway.

Titus 1:6
If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly.

with all gravity;

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Titus 2:2
That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.

Titus 2:7
In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity,  

 
 

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