PAUL draws up a roll of honour and of dishonour of his friends.  Some are only names to us; of some, as we read the Acts of the Apostles as well as the Epistles, we get the occasional revealing glimpse. If we are allowed to use our imagination, we can reconstruct some of the stories. ~Barclay commentary

Beginning with verse 10 we see names named. They are:

Demas [De'mas]
Crescens [Cres'cens]
Titus
Luke
Mark
Tychicus [Ty-chi-cus]
Carpus
Alexander the coppersmith

What you will see in tonight's lesson and those through verse 14 is that they represent a cross-section of what was true in the church then and that same cross-section is still here today.

Now to the other commentaries beginning with the general and going to the specific. First the Matthew Henry Main which covers verses 11 and 12.

Luke however remained with Paul (2 Timothy 4:11-12), and was not this enough? Paul did not think it so; he loved the company of his friends. 2. He speaks respectfully concerning Mark: He is profitable to me for the ministry. It is supposed that this Mark was he about whom Paul and Barnabas had contended, Acts 15:39. Paul would not take him with him to the work, because he had once flinched and drawn back: but now, says he, Take Mark, and bring him with thee. By this it appears that Paul was now reconciled to Mark, and had a better opinion of him than he had had formerly. This teaches us to be of a forgiving spirit; we must not therefore disclaim for ever making use of those that are profitable and useful, though they may have done amiss. ~Matthew Henry Main

Quoted verse:
Acts 15:39
And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other: and so Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus.

Here is the Matthew Henry Concise which covers verses 9-13

The love of this world, is often the cause of turning back from the truths and ways of Jesus Christ. Paul was guided by Divine inspiration, yet he would have his books. As long as we live, we must still learn. The apostles did not neglect human means, in seeking the necessaries of life, or their own instruction. Let us thank the Divine goodness in having given us so many writings of wise and pious men in all ages; and let us seek that by reading them our profiting may appear to all. ~Matthew Henry Concise

At this point in our discussion of verses 9-15 we are halfway through the list of names Paul brings up here. I want to cover some commentary here that speaks to the underlying thought in Paul's mind as he writes this letter. That thought was companionship. Let us go back to verse 9 and Paul saying to Timothy, "Come shortly unto me."

I am about to give you a number of short commentaries from the Biblical Illustrator.

Come shortly unto me.
Companionship
I. Human companionships are very necessary. The ear thirsts for a friend’s voice; the heart hungers for a friend’s love.
II. Human companionships are very changing. Changes are caused by distance, death, depravity.
III. Human companionships are often great blessings. Luke was with Paul. Mark was to be brought to him. Timothy was coming to him.
IV. Human companionships sometimes prove great afflictions. Demas, Alexander. Men suffer most when “wounded in the house of their friends.”
V. Human companionships must sometimes fail us. Friends are sometimes scared by poverty, failure, shame. Besides, companionship can do little in our intense bodily pain, mental anguish, spiritual conflict, throes of death.

The society of good men desirable
1. Personal presence is to be preferred before writing.
2. The society and help of good men is much to be desired. There is much comfort and good to be gained thereby.
3. The strongest Christians sometimes may be helped by weaker. A Paul may stand in need of a Timothy.
4. A minister upon weighty and just occasions may lawfully be absent from his flock for a time.
5. We may love one friend more than another. Timothy was Paul’s beloved son in the faith (1 Timothy 1:2).

Quoted verse:
1 Timothy 1:2 [see lesson]
Unto Timothy, my own son in the faith: Grace, mercy, and peace, from God our Father and Jesus Christ our Lord.

Best men—lessons from their life
I. The best men, in the presence of death, are not disregardful of human sympathy. Even Christ took three disciples with Him to Gethsemane.
II. The best men are sometimes exposed to great social trials. All of us are constantly losing friends, from one cause or another.
III. The best men are subject to common needs. Men, if they are to be clothed, must procure their own garments; if they are to be educated and informed, must use their own faculties.
IV. The best men are sometimes troubled by their inferiors. “Alexander the coppersmith.” It requires no greatness to do mischief. The most contemptible characters are always the most successful in this work.

Lessons—

1. Value true friends.
2. Anticipate social desertions.
3. Do not look for miraculous interpositions to supply your needs. Do not be painfully surprised if you have enemies.

Friends in adversity
Today Colonel C. came to dine with us, and in the midst of our meal we were entertained with a most agreeable sight. It was a shark, about the length of a man, which followed our ship, attended with five smaller fishes, called pilot-fish, much like our mackerel, but larger. These, I am told, always keep the shark company, and, what is more surprising, though the shark is so ravenous a creature, yet, let it be never so hungry, it will not touch one of them. Nor are they less faithful to him; for, as I am informed, if the shark is hooked, very often these little creatures will cleave close to his fins, and are often taken up with him.  Go to the pilot-fish, thou that forsakest a friend in adversity, consider his ways, and be ashamed.

Man’s craving for society
Man is a social being. He is made to feel for, and with, his fellow-men. Sociality is a joy, a strength, a light to him. He is revealed, regaled, renewed, by fellowship. When there is community of views, sympathy of feelings, it causes a wonderful development of his nature, and gives it wonderful power. It is a lamp, a feast, a buttress of his being. It is everything whereby he can be ministered unto, or help to minister. God is social: “The God of the spirits of all flesh.” Christ is social: “The Head of the body, the Church.” Christianity is social: “The fellowship of the gospel.” Man is social: “Come shortly unto Me.”

Isolation undesirable
“One man is no man.” True, there are some cold, misanthropic souls that shun their fellows, like some plants that shrink and shrivel at a touch, and that even take an awful pride in solitude and isolation; but this is disease, or sin, or both. The finest natures are furthest removed from it. ~all of these separate commentaries from the Biblical Illustrator.

What God says about Companionship

Genesis 2:18
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:24
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

1 Peter 1:22
Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:

Psalm 55:14
We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.

Proverbs 13:20
He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

Proverbs 18:24
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Notice the commentary on this one:

Better, “A man of many companions is so to his own destruction, but there is a friend (the true, loving friend) etc.” It is not the multitude of so called friends that helps us. They may only embarrass and perplex. What we prize is the one whose love is stronger and purer even than all ties of kindred. ~Barnes Notes

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 27:9
Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel.

Notice this from the commentary:

The meaning is that as ointment, etc; gladden the heart, so do the sweet and loving words of one who speaks from the depths of his soul [Level 5 communication]. The idea is primarily of a friend who gives wise counsel, speaking the truth in love, or shows his approval by discreet commendation. ~Pulpit Bible

Hebrews 10:24-25
24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

Examples of great friendships in the Bible:

God and Abraham - 2 Chronicles 20; Isaiah 41:8 and James 2:23
Abraham and Lot - Genesis 14
Jonathan and David - 1 Samuel 18
David and Abiathar [A-bi'a-thar] - 1 Samuel 22
David and Nahash [Na'hash] - 2 Samuel 10
David and Ittai - 2 Samuel 15
David and Hiram - 1 Kings 5
Ruth and Naomi - Ruth 1
Job and his friends - Job 2
Elijah and Elisha [E-li'sha] - 2 Kings 2
Daniel - Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego - Daniel 2
Jesus and Peter - Matthew 26 with John 21
Jesus with Mary, Martha and Lazarus - Luke 10, John 11
Barnabas and Paul - Galatians 1; Acts 9, 13 and 2 Timothy 4
Paul, Timothy and Epaphroditus [ee-paf-roh-DI-tuhs] - Philippians 2

Quotes on Friendship:

"True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island… to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing."

"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm & constant."

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." [Surely a thought Paul had]

"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow." – William Shakespeare

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship."

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."

"It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter."

"True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable."

Now there is one item I want to see from one of the specific commentaries:

And Tychicus [Tych'i-cus]  - Paul calls him “a beloved brother, and faithful minister in the Lord.” But it may be asked why he did not retain him with him, or why should he have sent him away, and then call Timothy to him? The probability is, that he had sent him before he had seen reason to apprehend that he would be put to death; and now, feeling the need of a friend to be with him, he sent to Timothy, rather than to him, because Tychicus [Tych'i-cus]  had been employed to perform some service which he could not well leave, and because Paul wished to give some some special instructions to Timothy before he died. ~Barnes Notes

As we close, one more quote on friendship:

If I did not know better, I would have thought Paul said this:
"I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff."

All these things are the lesson of verse 12.

Resource:

5 Levels of Communication
Five Levels of Communication from John Powell’s book, “Why am I Afraid to Tell You Who I am?”

Phatic Communication: Using conventional messages to establish rapport, to break the ice, and/or to end a conversation. You might hug, kiss, shake hands, bow, smile, make eye contact, and face one another. We exchange pleasantries by using clichés. Clichés are overused expressions that have lost their original (content) meanings and have taken on new relational meanings. We expect phatic communication at the beginning and end of every conversation, regardless of our feelings about a person.

Examples: Hello. How are you?
I’m fine. How are you?
Hi. Paper or plastic?
Thanks for coming. Have a nice day.
You’re welcome.

Factual communication: Using events, making observations, offering knowledge to others in a manner which can be called chit chat or small talk. At business parties, we rely upon factual communication to network, to schmooze, and to work the room. Factual communication includes reporting what you’ve read in a textbook, what you’ve studied for a test, showing pictures of your children, and exchanging biographical information about yourself. Factual communication is relatively safe and most do this well.

Examples: I’m majoring in business administration.
I’m married with three children, two sons and one daughter.
Did you watch the basketball game last night?
What did we do in class last Friday?

Evaluative communication: Offering opinions, ideas and judgments to others. This is risky business because the odds are that others will reciprocate with their own evaluations, which may be different from yours. When people consistently use evaluative communication, they must be prepared for eventual conflict. Many U.S. Americans enjoy sharing at this level and feel that disagreeing with others is useful and invigorating. Unfortunately, many of us don’t use evaluative communication with a high level of competence. It’s important to consider the value of critical and creative thinking, as well as the relational meanings of messages that are exchanged. When using evaluative communication, consider carefully the importance of descriptive, provisional, and responsible expressions. Strive to avoid cautionary language, sarcasm, and nonverbal put-downs (e.g., rolling your eyes in response to another’s comments).

Examples: Of all my children, my daughter is the better athlete.
I thought that movie was excellent, particularly with the surprising ending.
I’m not convinced that your argument is well supported.
I agree with you!

 Gut-level communication involves sharing our emotions and feelings with another. We are sharing our very essence when we allow others to know our heart. This is risky business! Societies place constraints upon the specific emotions which can be conveyed (e.g., It’s good to express love; it’s bad to express hatred). We also have rules about when and how feelings can be expressed ("That was the wrong time and place for arguing with your spouse.")

Emotional intelligence involves interpersonal competencies including self-awareness, self control, flexibility and empathy.

Examples: I deeply appreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity in helping me earlier.
I’m so frustrated with you!
I’m wish that I hadn’t called you that name. I hope that you’ll forgive me.
He called me! I’m so excited to see him again!

Peak communication: Coming together with another in an extraordinary way. Two individuals who are gut leveling experience a transformation when they are sharing the exact same emotion with the same level of intensity. This is also called, "communal-level communication." It’s as if, for the moment, two souls merge into one. Peak communication is rare, even among close friends and family members.

Examples: I love you. I love you too.
I’m so angry with you. I’m so angry with you as well.
I’m glad that we were able to fight long enough to get this resolved. Yes, I feel exactly the same way, glad that we communicated collaboratively.
I’m scared. I’m scared too.

Some General Thoughts about the Levels of Communication

The greater the need to communicate our feelings, the harder it is to do. Indeed, sharing our opinions and emotions is risky business. We minimize the risk when we move through the levels of communication incrementally. That is, each conversation ought to begin with phatic communication and move through the levels (however quickly seems appropriate) before moving to the more intimate levels.

Generally, we look for the other individual to reciprocate at the same level of intensity. There is a social convention to match levels. If the other initiates a conversation at the evaluative level, we often feel compelled to respond in kind. This is dangerous.

Sharing our ideas and feelings is generally reserved for those whom we trust. Trust is a function of confidence, commitment, and time. We generally share our essence with those we’ve known a long time. To do with others is pseudo-intimacy.

For more information about the levels of communication, consult John Powell’s book, Why am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? (Niles, IL: Argus Communications) 1969.

Level 1: Small Talk. At this level shallow conversation takes place, such as, “How are you?” “What have you been doing?” “How are things going?” Such conversation borders on the meaningless, but it can sometimes be better than embarrassed silence. When communication remains on this level, it is boring and leads to frustration and resentment in marriage.

Level 2: Factual Conversation. At this level, information is shared, but there are no personal comments along with it. You tell what has happened but do not reveal how you feel about it. A wife may observe her husband leaving the house after dinner and ask, “Where are you going?” and he can give a factual answer, “Out.” Men are more apt to settle for this level of communication, however, in our modern society more and more women are functioning at this level as well.

Level 3: Ideas and Opinions. Real intimacy begins here, for on this level you risk exposing your own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Because you feel free to express yourself and verbalize personal ideas, your partner has a better chance to know you intimately.

Level 4: Feelings and Emotions. Communication at this level describes what is going on inside you—how you feel about your partner or a situation. You verbalize feelings of frustration, anger, resentment, or happiness. If you honestly share with your partner in a give-and-take manner, showing interest in his feelings as well as in expressing your own, this level will enrich and enlarge your relationship. You will feel worthy, noticed, loved, appreciated, and safe in your partner’s affections. You will gain flashes of insight into your partner’s character that will give you real understanding of how he thinks and feels. A good combination is to alternate between the levels of ideas/opinions and feelings/emotions.

Level 5: Deep Insight. Rare insightful moments will occur when you are perfectly in tune with another in understanding, depth, and emotional satisfaction. Usually a peak experience or something deeply personal is related. Communication about such experiences often makes a deep impression on both parties and enriches the relationships. Mutual sharing of personal ideas and feelings is the ultimate goal in marital communication.